Pain To Save My Life
by Ravens Kiss
Summary: After many years Hermione has finally found Severus, but will the answers she receives be the ones that she expects? And will this new beginning be more than he can bear? HBP Compatible
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey folks, this is a new fic I am starting that is HBP compatible. Now, don't you guys worry, I'm not giving up on Snowflake Kisses, I still fully intend to finish and soon I hope seeing as school is over for good at the end of this month. However I got the idea for this fic and just had to write it before I forgot it, and figured I might as well post it and see what you all think. Ideas for how this should progress would be great and as always I adore all of your wonderful reviews and comments, so please, while I'm stressing about finishing school please give me feedback to make me smile and brighten my day.Enjoy!

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_Some time ago I checked my conscience,_

_And found it wasn't all that clean_

_A trail of people I had hurt_

_A sea of sins left unredeemed_

_Regret is a dull and rusted blade_

_That covers me with scars that never fade_

_These wounds, like a catalog of flaws_

_Serve to remind me of all the pain I've caused_

_"Regret" - Assemblage 23_

A brilliant fork of lightening tore across the ink black skies, the air abuzz with trembling electricity that could not even begin to mirror the tension that hung thick and ominous like a malodorous scent. For an instant the countryside was illuminated with a flash of stark white light, throwing everything into eerie relief and casting jerking shadows across the earth that trembled with the thunder rumbling overhead. Freezing wind danced through the trees and foliage causing leaves to rustle and tree limbs to bend in its wake, succumbing to its mighty and violent power. Clouds filled the night sky, pregnant and blacker than pitch with the rain that did not yet fall, no stars shone this night, no tiny specks of light looking like so many tiny diamonds cast across the cobalt velvet of the sky. The moon would not cast its cool and benevolent light upon the earth, would not light the way for those lost, and as a darkly cloaked figure apparated in time with another loud clap of thunder it was grateful for the darkness that hung thick providing cover.

Casting a quick disillusion and silencing charm Hermione gathered the thick black cloak tighter around her body in an attempt to block out the freezing bite of the early January wind. The scent of snow hung in the air, crisp and clean with the promise of a thick white blanket that would soon cover the rolling hills and neatly hedged fields of Dorset. Quickly gaining her bearings she turned and gazed out through the bare tree limbs of the small copse she had apparated into. Beyond the gentle slope of the field before her tucked between several large trees and a series of slightly overgrown hedges was a small and quaint, if perhaps a little neglected, cottage. A few of it's small windows shed a warm and inviting golden light upon the small garden and gravel path that led up to the front door from a small wooden gate, while a trail of smoke rose from one of the chimneys, dancing for a moment just above the thatch roof before being swept away on the wind.

Drawing a deep breath to steady her nerve Hermione took one last look around the copse of trees and surrounding fields to assure that no one had seen her sudden and "magical" arrival before removing the wand from the small pocket inside her cloak, and gripping it tightly in her hand began the slow and steady descent down the hill towards the cottage. The grass was crisp and glittering with frost beneath her feet as she moved like a shadow in the darkness, soon finding herself at the edge of the small garden, its wide array of delicate and fragrant wild flowers already lying beneath a thin dusting of snow. Tiny white flakes clung to the hood and shoulders of her cloak as she moved along the thick hedge towards the back of the cottage where she found another small and rickety wooden gate, and an immaculate garden of herbs, spices and even vegetables beyond, a series of stone paths weaving their way through the rows upon rows of plants. For a brief moment Hermione paused in wonder, gazing upon the neat lines of shrubs, plants and bushes, amazed that even now the man she had tirelessly sought to find for years still maintained his passion for plants and their uses.

Deciding that she had spent too long dawdling instead of pursuing the real reason she had come all this way and spent years searching, Hermione cast a silencing charm upon the gate and carefully pushed it open. Making her way through the small garden towards the back door she froze suddenly as she saw a figure move past the covered window beside the door. Suddenly her heart was in her throat and her breath trapped somewhere beneath it, her entire body stiff with panic, fear and perhaps a hint of anticipation. A rushing breath escaped her lips as steam as she watched the figure move back towards the front of the house, the distinct profile she caught a glimpse of through the shade over the window causing the blood to rush like a roaring wind in her ears. It was _him_, finally after all these years she had seen him again, granted only in silhouette, but it was still enough to make her suddenly quite wary and fearful. _Now Hermione, remember your training_ she scolded herself sternly, _this is what you trained for all those years, this is the moment you have been waiting for, you owe it to them, to yourself to go through with this. Don't back down now, you can do this, you can and you must!_ Her internal monologue continued as she drew in several chilling and calming deep breaths, feeling the relaxing quiet flow over and through her as her thoughts focused and centered on the task at hand. Gripping the shaft of vine wood all the tighter in her hand she crept forward slowly the last few steps to the back door, peering through a small opening left by uneven curtains on the window and seeing nothing but an empty and tidy kitchen before her whispered a furtive "Alohamora" wincing at the soft click of the lock falling back.

Thankfully the door gave little resistance and made no noise as she cautiously pushed it open just wide enough for her lithe form to slip through and into the warmth of the kitchen. A small and old, though apparently well-loved, table stood in the center of the room surrounded by four wooden chairs, the top scrubbed clean though it would always bear the memories of faded scorch marks and scratches in its otherwise smooth surface. A simple stove stood on one side of the room beside a refrigerator, it also appearing old and slightly worn. The counters were plan pale gray stone, clean and devoid of clutter besides many neat rows of jars and containers of varying sizes, each bearing a small label with a precise and scrawling handwriting upon it, handwriting she recognized even with the briefest of glimpses. Moving past the empty sink beside which stood a single plate and glass Hermione paused in the doorway to furtively scan the narrow hallway. A shadowed staircase lead up the right side of the hallway, a single closed door on the left, no light spilling beneath the door and no sound coming from the room. With hesitant steps she crept forward towards the warm flood of light at the end of the hallway, the door left wide open, a small glimpse of the room beyond visible.

Much like the rest of the house it was a small and cozy room, a fire burning steadily in the stone ringed grate, the mantle no more than a large wooden beam, a single faded and worn tapestry hanging above it. No pictures, magical or otherwise adorned its rough surface as her own mantle did, nothing beyond a simple cast iron candlestick at each end, the candle flames dancing wildly in the draft that caused the fire in the grate to lurch and jump. The wind howled outside, raging against the walls and rustling the leaves of the tress that huddled close to the house, branches scratching against the window panes. Hermione's breath sounded as loud as thunder to her own ears while her heart rate increased ten-fold with each carefully laid step, her heart like a hammer against her ribs, her body covered in a thin film of sweat beneath her cloak and clothing. She could feel the tension that hung in the air as though it were a corporal entity, drawn taunt as a bowstring and ready to snap at any moment.

Another step, followed by another and then another revealed more of the sitting room and its contents, though as of yet she could see no one in it. Drawing another deep breath to steel her resolve and gripping her wand ever tighter, Hermione took one final step into the room and saw… Nothing. Two overstuffed and mismatched armchairs and settee, and a coffee table that looked as worn and aged as the kitchen table were the only furniture in the room, the rest of the small space filled with books. Books of varying sizes and origins filled the room almost to bursting, large stacks of them lining all four of the walls, with smaller piles scattered throughout the room creating a teetering and leaning maze. All of the meager furniture except for one armchair was also piled high with books that had been left to tumble against the arms and cushions, some lying open, some full of bookmarks and notes. The one chair that was devoid of its own swaying towers of books was instead overflowing with notebooks, stacks of parchment and a dozen or so broken quills. There was a small space cleared on the floor in front of the glowing fire, dozens of discarded pieces of parchment and dog-eared quills outlining a rough circle just big enough to contain a man. Exhaling heavily Hermione let her shoulders relax just a little, though the grip on her wand did not loosen, her eyes continuing to furtively scan the room for any sign of the house's single inhabitant. Her breath halted as she spied among the stacks of books and scattered parchment a solitary cup of tea, the steam rising from it in small wisps. _He's here, somewhere, he can't have gotten far…_ she began to think as she turned slowly, studying every detail of the room from the tattered curtains that attempted to cover the windows and keep back some of the biting cold that crept in through the cracks around the glass, to the scrawling and smudged handwriting on a parchment at her feet.

A sudden and hissing breath escaped Hermione's lips when she caught a flash of silver in the corner of her eye a moment too late. The cold steel pressed firm against the tender and pale skin of her throat, not hard enough to cut through her delicate flesh but with enough pressure to know that she had indeed been a fool to lower her guard.

"Now what have we here?" a deep and velvety smooth voice purred against her ear through the fabric of her cloak. "I thought that the Ministry taught young Auror's more caution and discretion than this, but it appears that the Minister is as foolish as ever, and you I am afraid will have to pay for his grievous error" he continued, his voice as dark and rough as Hermione remembered, its dulcet and brooding tones sending small tremors through her body, tingling along her spine and causing her heart to pound fiercely in her chest. "Now, hand over your wand like a good little Auror" he commanded teasingly, the ever-present sneering tones causing Hermione's body to stiffen with barely repressed anger. _Don't loose your cool, not now_ she told herself as her fingers flexed around the vine wood that had grown quite warm in her clammy hands.

With mild pleasure and a smug grin Severus watched as the cloaked figure before him slowly extended a pale and delicate looking hand towards him, a gleaming shaft of wood grasped tightly in petite fingers. Flexing his own fingers around the handle of the extremely sharp kitchen knife he pressed the cool metal against the throat of his would-be captor a little more tightly, eliciting a faint gasp that made him smirk and all but purr in victory. His victory however, was to be short-lived. With surprising swiftness a heel stomped down on his bare foot causing his eyes to water as he ground out a deep growl of pain through his teeth, the muscles in his shoulders and neck shuddering with tension as he fought to keep his grip upon the knife steady. While he had no plans of letting this foolish Auror get away without thoroughly humiliating and terrorizing them first, he had no intentions of actually using the knife in his hand. A sudden stomp on his other unshod foot along with a well-timed elbow to his ribs undid Severus' barely maintained resolve, causing him to loose focus just long enough for his prisoner to make a small retreat.

Quickly stepping away from the slightly bent figure of her former Potions Master Hermione watched with a mixture of triumph and regret as he hobbled from one foot to the other while gripping his aching ribs, teeth clenched firmly as he exhaled a hissing breath. However, her years of training had taught her nothing if not to take advantage of an opponent's moment of weakness. Dismissing any feelings of sympathy she might have had with a solitary mental image of Professor Dumbledore's body splayed and broken at the base of the Astronomy Tower, she quickly raised her wand and shouted a shrill "Expelliarmus!" Hermione watched as the force of the spell knocked the knife from the Potions Master's hand sending it skittering across the floor while he wobbled for a moment before slumping back against the wall, several towers of books toppling into his lap and across his long legs.

Groaning both internally and aloud Severus surveyed his present situation in a quick scan of the room. His eyes fastened quickly upon his weapon of choice that now lay several feet away amongst a pile of discarded parchments, while his apparently successful captor stood an equal distance from him in another direction with a wand firmly trained upon him. It would be obvious even to a blind fool that he would never reach the knife before the Auror could cast some kind of spell, and he would rather not be on the receiving end of a hex or curse, he had suffered enough of those under the rule of his former Master's and tormentors. In a desperate effort to buy time and perhaps delay the inevitable long enough to devise some kind of plan he slowly raised his hand, shoving the few tendrils of ink black hair that had escaped the long braid that fell down his back away from his face. With an uninterrupted line of vision he looked up into the face of his captor, or at least what would have been their face had they lowered the hood of their cloak. He was admittedly more than a little irritated that they kept their identity hidden while he was so obviously vulnerable and at their will. Letting the renowned sneer of malice that had scared many students and fellow professors alike fall across his face, he titled his head to one side as though in thought and with black eyes glittering like polished obsidian he stared down the Auror and growled,

"Will you not show your face? Do you not wish for me to see the face of the dazzling young Auror who will be famous beyond belief now that they have captured the despised and despicable Severus Snape?"

He watched in smug amusement as a brief silence followed before the Auror bowed their head slightly, deepening the shadows within the large hood until it looked as though an empty cloak floated before him. For a moment the image before him was no longer that of a foolhardy and annoyingly lucky young Auror, but rather the floating and bone-chilling visage of a Dementor. His breath halted in his throat as his chest tightened, his heart clenching painfully as he looked up into the soulless shadow, feeling the small reserves of hope he had somehow managed to keep alive throughout the years fleeing quickly. Fighting back the subtle chill that threatened to run down his spine at the realization that if he was indeed captured that the Dementor's Kiss was his most likely future, he listened carefully as a soft and slightly rough voice said,

"I did not do it for the fame, I sought you out for answers Severus." Try hard as he might Severus could not keep the snarl from his lips or the dangerous gleam from his eye, not that he truly wished to as he ground out,

"Who are you that you take such liberties, calling me by my given name?" It was a petty thing yes, this he realized, but when all else that had ever mattered had been lost to him it was the small things that still gave him some sense of sanity.

"I have every right to call you by your given name" that obviously feminine and slightly familiar voice said slowly, almost cautiously.

Severus felt a small seed of hope take root in his heart as he continued to gaze up into the mysterious shadowed face before him, he easily detected the tones of apprehension within that cool voice, could all but smell the fear that radiated from the Auror. Barely repressing his smirk of amusement he gave a soft toss of his head to sweep the hair from his eyes again, the long and thick braid of his ink black hair bouncing over his shoulder to lay across his chest.

"And what, pray tell, do you believe gives you this right?" he sneered as he idly toyed with the end of the braid. His breath caught in his throat once more, his cheeks blanching momentarily with shock and then flushing crimson with anger as he stared up at the young woman standing before him.

Sweeping back the hood of her cloak swiftly Hermione said in a voice that thankfully did not betray the whirlwind of fear and sadness within her,

"Because you betrayed my trust."

"_Your_ trust Miss Granger?" he all but chuckled in response, "I betrayed a great deal many more people than you Miss Granger, and none of them felt that it granted them the privilege of addressing me with such familiarity" he persisted in utter amusement as he casually folded his arms across his chest while continuing to play with the braid of his hair with an air of relaxation and calm.

"That's Auror Granger to you Mr. Snape!" Hermione suddenly snapped, her eyes flashing wildly in the light of the dancing flames.

"At least it is still Granger" he smirked, his mood growing ever lighter as amusement swelled within his chest, "I am _relieved_ shall we say, that you did not marry Mr. Potter, or even worse his eternal side-kick and errand boy, Mr. Weasley." Severus watched with great delight as a bright flush rose to her cheeks, her eyes darkening in an instant as her temper flared. _Ah so she is still fiercely protective of her friends, that could be used to my benefit_ he thought smugly as he watched her gradually rein in her emotions and regain control. "Oh, and that is _Professor_ Snape, to you, _Miss_ Granger" he crooned silkily.

"You lost the privilege of that title when you killed Professor Dumbledore!" Hermione quickly exclaimed, her hands curling into vicious fists at her sides while her chest heaved with erratic breaths. Instantly Severus was on his feet and no more than a foot from Hermione, his breath hot and smelling faintly of sweet spices as it flowed across her face. In that moment he did not care that he was unarmed, that Hermione had been skilled enough to make it through Auror training, survive the final battle and somehow manage to find him, all he cared for now was the dredging up of things he had much preferred to attempt to forget, and for the pain that gripped his heart like an iron fist.

"I lost a great deal more than a teaching position I never wanted when Professor Dumbledore died!" he hissed venomously, his voice barely above a whisper. "I lost much more than you, a foolish Gryffindor, could ever comprehend when… when…" his voice faltered, his body trembling subtly as his mind continued, _when I killed the only person who ever cared for me_.

"When you murdered him!" Hermione spat out, finishing the thought that continued to echo within his tortured mind. "Oh how you must have laughed when you saw him fall, when you conquered the man you had so artfully deceived for so long" she growled as her anger continued to bubble and boil just beneath the surface. Dejectedly Severus sank to the floor, slumping against the wall and toppled books feeling broken and empty as he thought sullenly, _No Miss Granger, I wept and swore I would never do magic again_.


	2. Revelations

So I guess posting some of my newer stuff inspired me to begin work on some of my older fics as well. I did always like this one and what I had planned for it, though that plan has changed slightly now. I found myself thinking of this fic over and over in recent weeks, tweeking things here and there in my mind while doing some of the most mundane of things (doing laundry is good for my muse apparently). Anyway, so here is (finally) the second installment to this one, and I plan on beginning the next one right away. Ooh, lots of suprises to come! Stay tuned and my sincerest applogies for taking so damned long to update :)

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The wind continued to pummel the windows as the snow fell steadily, blanketing the countryside in a thick layer of crisp and chilling purity, what had started as nothing more than an angry thunderstorm was now magically turning into a full blown blizzard, one that would be remembered in almanacs for years to come. However, while the weather raged and fumed outside, another equally bitter and angry exchange was taking place within the small and secluded cottage. Hermione stood tense and seething with unspent anger as she glared down at her former Potions Professor who sat looking forlorn and broken among the jumbled piles of books and parchments, his drowning pool eyes cast down to study his still pale and lithe hands that absently curled into angry fists in his lap. 

"How fitting…" Severus finally murmured more to himself than his unexpected and exceedingly unwanted guest, his fingers clenching all the more tightly as he fought back the urge to throw everything within proximity in a childish display of rage and hurt.

"What?" Hermione snapped brusquely, her usually gentle and soft tone twisted and roughed with irritation and frustration. After a long moment of silence Severus languidly cocked his head to one side, gazing up at her through the haze of his inky tresses and with a bitter smile curving his lips he replied,

"I was simply remarking to myself how fitting it is that the one person who should finally stumble upon me, is one of the people whom I had hoped and prayed to Merlin I would never have to suffer again." An indignant snort and a deepened frown was the initial response that Severus received in reply to his honest declaration.

"And I suppose this is your form of hospitality?" she quickly growled back at him, her own lips contorted with a sneer of contempt.

"Indeed it is, I consider myself being rather accommodating considering that you saw fit to intrude upon my solitude and peace of mind" he hissed back, though his voice lacked the bite it had held in previous years, now he simply sounded weary more than anything. "In fact, if it were not for the current situation I would have given you a much more fitting welcome" he continued with a hint of the sneer he once had worn as easily as a comforting mask.

"Oh yes? And what would you consider a proper welcome?" Hermione asked snidely, her typically warm brown eyes narrowed with skepticism.

"I would have promptly tossed you out on your ear, you insufferable girl!" Severus said in reply, his voice tinged with the warmth of sadistic amusement.

"I hardly think you are in any position to refer to me as an 'insufferable girl', or any of the other childish names you called me while I was at school" she said with an air of triumph.

"Indeed, I can think of many far more fitting terms for you now" he groused in response through clenched teeth, reminded all too well of his predicament as another book toppled heavily into his lap. Several long and silent moments stretched out between the two of them, only the wind howling beyond the windows serving as a discordant and fierce symphony in the background.

"And I suppose now you will be clapping me in irons and whisking me off to Azkaban, and my well-deserved and inevitable end?" Severus asked finally, his voice bland and lacking any hint of the very real and fierce fear that roiled just beneath the surface of his calm exterior. However, no response came at first as Hermione continued to glare down at him, her gaze softening only marginally as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her arm extended holding her wand wavering for a moment before she let it fall limply at her side. Finally after heaving a great sigh and allowing her brows to draw together in the beginnings of a frown she gave an almost impercievable shake of her head as she said,

"Actually no, I was planning on escorting you back to Hogwarts." Try as he might, Severus was completely unable to shield his surprise as this outcome, he had at least expected to spend the rest of his days rotting away in some filthy and stinking cell in Azkaban if for some reason they deemed him undeserving of the Dementor's Kiss, but long ago he had accepted the simple fact that should he be discovered it was almost entirely certain that he would only live long enough to face trial and then be swiftly sentenced to death while the Wizarding World celebrated his passing.

"And why, in the name of Merlin would you do something as foolish as that?" he found himself saying in shock while a part of his mind ferociously snarled at him to keep his damned mouth shut for once in his life.

"You would prefer Azkaban then?" Hermione asked as a small glimmer of confusion flickered across her face, though after a moment she continued with a hint of amusement in her voice "Though I suppose I can see how that would seem more appealing than hallways fit to bursting with shouting and inept students."

"You sound almost as if you know from personal experience how vexing they can be" Severus said dolefully, the looseness of his tongue astounding even him as his mind waged a war with his suddenly flapping gums. Perhaps it had been the years of isolation, the feeling of all consuming loneliness that had often caught him off guard and left him reeling for days in its wake, but whatever the reason for his sudden penchant for speaking so freely, to a former student no less, Severus was intent to put a stop to it immediately. A noncommittal sound was the simple and completely unrevealing response that flowed over Hermione's lips as the crease in her brow deepened all the more before she gave a quick and short shake of her head as if to dispel thoughts that were bubbling to the surface. Quietly Severus watched her strange behavior, the wheels in his mind beginning to turn though perhaps a little sluggishly at first until finally he spoke up in a slow and bordering on cautious tone,

"There is something you are not telling me, Miss Granger." It was a long while before Hermione slowly raised her eyes to meet his daunting and penetrating gaze, a skill he had obviously not lost over the years, but when she finally did Severus saw something he had not expected to see in her gaze. A deep sense of loss and longing shone brightly in her deep brown eyes, the light from the crackling fire and dancing candle light reflected the tears that hung precariously in her eyes, threatening to spill at the slightest provocation as she took a deep breath and in the most heart wrenchingly solemn voice he had ever heard said,

"Minerva passed away last night."


	3. Letters and Laughter

Ooh, I'm on a roll. Hope you guys like this chapter, oh that devious Minerva, even from the grave it seems that Severus cannot escape her interference, poor fellow. More to come soon, but this is it for tonight, off to bed for me now.

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Severus could not hide his sudden intake of breath, but thanks to his training from an early age to think as all Slytherins did, he quickly disguised the reaction as nothing more than a bored yawn. Looking almost callously upon the unblinking woman before him, who surely had grown so still in the fear that even the slightest movement would cause the tears to begin Severus prided himself on his innate Slytherin ability to mask all emotions. 

"And why do you think that this should mean anything to me Miss Granger?" he found himself saying in a snide and cruel tone while inside he was lamenting the passing of his only remaining friend. For a moment Hermione could do little more than stare at the man before her in a sense of utter shock, her eyes drawn wide while her mouth hung open listlessly, her throat having grown suddenly quite thick and dry with the tears that hung stingingly at the back of her eyes. But then she saw it, the truth she had known he would hide at all costs, the deep black pools of his eyes betrayed him. In the gleaming black orbs that looked up at her from a face twisted with aloof detachment she saw the endless seas of pain that her words had brought to him and for a moment she felt a small stab of sympathy in her stomach. Quickly swallowing her own emotions as she had learnt to do in her years of training in Auror School she drew herself together, displaying an air of business-like efficiency as she continued to gaze down at him. Yet despite her masterfully controlled emotions she could not manage to control her tongue,

"Because I know…" she began falteringly.

"And pray tell, Miss Granger, what it is that you think you know?" Severus asked in a crooning and mocking tone, though his sarcasm could not even begin to hide the tremendous emotional pain that shone in his eyes, for now that she had recognized it for what it truly was, Hermione would never be able to deny its existence again. Scowling at the man before her, who despite his current position pinned beneath a mountain of books and parchments still managed to maintain the air of authority with which he had ruled the dungeons during her years at school, Hermione let a sigh of exasperation roll forth over her lips though she did manage to quell the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"That you and Minerva had been corresponding ever since you disappeared that night" she said plainly, watching with a secret leap of delight deep inside at the shocked expression that flitted across his face for a brief moment. At first Severus was at a loss for words with which to respond, the surprise of this revelation striking him deep to the core and rendering him unable to think let alone come up with some cutting and witty reply, inside he found himself numbly asking,

"And just how did you know of this communication?" _Well at least I didn't sound like a complete fool_ he thought to himself as he looked up at the woman continuing to tower above him, a situation that made him feel quite irritated. Suddenly feeling awkward standing there staring down at her former Professor while still covered in her rather heavy traveling cloak and talking of such things Hermione glanced about the room in a search for somewhere to sit, but finding nothing but the maze of books stacked precariously she gave a small shrug and once again shifted her weight from one foot to the other before taking a deep breath and plunging into her explanation.

"Minerva told me of the nature of your correspondence several months ago when she first became ill, she knew that the inevitable would happen eventually and felt that once she had…. passed…" Hermione paused for a moment to fight back the sudden tightness in her throat and burning in her eyes as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. "That… that someone should continue in her stead" she continued after a moment, her voice holding a subtle shakiness that had not been present before.

"I see" was all Severus could mumble in response, his brain seemingly frozen with the realization that his friend was dead and now he truly was completely alone in the world. The one person who knew the truth of his past and disappearance was gone, he had been cast adrift in this sea of loneliness for so long now, but always there had been the reassurance that Minerva knew him, truly knew him and still cared for him. Her though sometimes infrequent letters had always been an immense comfort to him as time passed almost meaninglessly out here in the middle of nowhere, and now she had left this earth, her letters would come no more, her words of reassurance would no longer soothe his aching heart.

"And now you are to be my 'pen pal' as they say?" he asked with bitter amusement, "I can only hope to Merlin that you manage to keep your letters shorter than your essays." Hermione could not suppress the small yet slightly strained chuckle that rumbled up from her throat, the corners of her eyes wrinkling slightly as it flowed forth.

"Heavens no, my letter writing skills are atrocious" she said almost breathlessly as she attempted to pull her laughter under control.

"Then Merlin has truly forsaken me" Severus mused almost warmly, his own eyes dropping down to his clasped hands as the weight of Minerva's passing settled heavily in his chest.

An awkward silence stretched out over several minutes as Severus sat listlessly staring at his hands, the hands which had brought down the man who had acted more as a father than his own ever had, his dearest and closest friend, the hands that had spent many an hour writing letters to his only other friend who was now also gone into the void beyond, the crushing sense of abandonment beginning to press down on him uncomfortably. With a groan of pain from stiff limbs and protesting joints Severus slowly and carefully extricated himself from the pile of books that surrounded him and slowly rose to his feet, pushing the long snake-like braid of jet black hair back over his narrow shoulder as he leaned against the wall for support.

"Tea" he said simply when he slowly pushed away from the wall, trusting his own tired and weak limbs to carry him. Slowly Hermione looked over at him questioningly, her face showing the signs of weariness akin to that which he felt coursing through his veins.

"I think revelations such as this calls for a cup of tea" he said softly in response to her unspoken question and with that he swiftly turned and walked out of the room, padding soundlessly down the hall on bare feet to the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing two cups of tea, reveling in that fact that something utterly mundane could so easily distract him from the pain that was tearing his cold and black heart to pieces. A few moments later he reappeared with two cups of steaming tea, one of which he then proceeded to offer to Hermione who gladly accepted and then began to glance around the room once more in a futile attempt to find somewhere to sit. Nudging a few books aside with a slender and pale foot Severus slowly eased his aching body back down to the ground and after settling himself as comfortably as he was able said,

"Anywhere you can find an open spot is as good as any." Frowning reprovingly Hermione gave a small sigh before carefully lowering herself to the floor where she stood, taking great care to not spill the scorching tea all over herself. Once again they feel into an uneasy yet equally soothing silence, the only sound that of the wind and an exhalation here and there to cool the burning liquid clasped in tense hands.

"Thank you" Hermione murmured over the rim of her cup after a moment, her eyes rising to glance at the man seated only a few feet from her. Raising his gleaming black eyes for an instant he offered up a small wan smile and a subtle nod of his head before turning back to the mug in his hands, gazing at the liquid within with a pondering expression.

"So, what is this nonsense about taking me back to Hogwarts?" he asked when he was halfway through his tea, the liquid now a quite tolerable temperature, allowing him to savor the smooth and rich flavor rather than sipping at it tentatively to avoid burning his tongue. "I assume that Minerva divulged the true events that happened that night, as well as those preceding and following. But I still do not understand why on earth you would wish to drag me back to that hell" he finished as he looked at her expectantly. Taking a long sip from her mug Hermione couldn't deny the calming effect that tea always had on her, perhaps it was a vestige of her youth when her mother would soothe her with tea and biscuits, or a remnant of many evenings spent with Minerva in her office drinking tea and discussing students as well as old friends and certain Professors. Setting her mug down in her lap, her fingers woven through the handle she thought for a moment for how best to phrase her response, she knew that Severus would not appreciate any sugarcoating of the situation as Albus had done tirelessly over the years, but at the same time she thought it best to exclude a few certain facts to help win him over.

"Well due to certain circumstances there is obviously an open position at Hogwarts, and Minerva thought it best if you return to fill it" she stated simply, revealing as little as possible while still providing key information. At first Severus seemed taken aback, flabbergasted in fact by what he perceived her to be suggesting, and when he finally found the ability to speak it was with exclamation that he said,

"You expect me to return and become Headmaster? Did the war addle your brain Miss Granger!" A sudden snort of amusement as she was bringing the mug to her lips for a long and soothing drink had Hermione quickly placing it back in her lap and trying to avoid having tea coming rushing out of her nose.

"Merlin no!" she exclaimed with a laugh which quickly died away when she saw the sour expression on his face. "Not that I am implying you are unsuitable for the position of course" she added tentatively.

"Mmm, _of course_" he responded sourly, more offended by her initial outburst than he had believed himself capable of, for indeed it was a laughable and completely ridiculous suggestion, wasn't it?

"Then why exactly, is my presence needed?" he went on after a moment, clamping down on his hurt pride and locking it anyway deep in the dark recesses of his mind to ponder at a later date.

"Well, the current Potions Professor will be filling the position left by Minerva, and well honestly, despite your cruel, belittling, callous and biased behavior, you _were_ the best Potions Professor Hogwarts ever had" Hermione replied smoothly.

"Such glowing compliments regarding myself you spout, Miss Granger" Severus said silkily, his eyes gleaming with dark amusement warmed with the hint of anger. "Why, I feel the ice melting off this old heart as we speak" he continued sarcastically with a smirk over the edge of his mug as he brought it once more to his pale lips.

"So, will you come back?" Hermione asked at last, swirling the dregs of her tea lingering in the bottom of her mug as she looked from it to the equally dreary face of the man sitting in front of her, a small glimmer of hope shinning in her eyes. Rolling his eyes dramatically at her childlike hopefulness, he drawled in frustrated tones,

"Do I even have a choice?" After a moments pause Hermione couldn't hold back the ghost of a grin as she replied,

"Not really. Minerva being the true owner of this cottage included a clause in its contract, that upon her death if you did not fulfill her dying wishes that it would once again become plottable. In effect anyone wishing to know your location would easily be able to locate you." A scowl eased over Severus' face as he gazed at the former student in front of him before answering in a weary tone,

"I should have guessed as much. She did become rather like Albus with her meddling in recent years." _You have _no_ idea_, Hermione mused to herself as she hide her smile behind the rim of her mug and downed the cold dregs of her tea, pulling a sour face at its bitter aftertaste as she nodded her head in agreement.


End file.
